Healing Through Mediumship

Why on earth is a reading with a medium the most healing modality?

I’m talking to you, fellow grievers and seekers.

I’m going to speak to the early grief of child loss, because that’s what I have personal experience with, and that’s what changed my life’s direction. This can pertain to the death of any loved one—your soul partners, a parent, spouse, sibling, or friend. Anyone you loved.

When my son died, there was a physical and existential pain that took over. If you are a bereaved parent or anyone in grief, I’m sure you will understand. I could not accept my reality without my seven-year-old son, Calder. Part of that pain is the deep groove created in the brain when you become a parent, the road that stretches ahead with possibilities and plans and joy. The dead-end is not something I considered, especially because my son was so young.

I did not consider a Sandy Hook or Parkland, but I was aware enough to choose an elementary school that was built like a bunker. I did not consider cancer in a young body, a brain tumor, suicide, fentanyl, a distracted driver, a barge running over children at sailing camp or even a hazing incident at a prestigious college. Those were fleeting thoughts or stories depicted on the news, but not something that I deeply considered as a possibility for our family.

I did worry about whether I was a good enough mother, up for the task of shaping both of the young boys who came out of my body into the big, scary world. I did not consider death. Maybe that is for the best. I focused on what parents should focus on: an amazing kindergarten teacher (shout out Ms. Betsy!), getting some vegetables into their little mouths, and how many balloons could fit in my SUV for every birthday. We are big on balloons.

When death came, it was sudden. It was literally in our backyard. An electrical accident. It tore me apart like a savage animal gutting their prey. I could not find a way out of the relentless pain of grieving my child. I did not go looking for Calder, because I thought he was gone forever—that this wretched life would continue in darkness until I joined him. How does a reading with a good medium change something that intense?

A good reading will open up new possibilities. Have you ever been with an inconsolable baby when he’s red in the face, can’t stop crying, and can’t express himself? Blow into that baby’s face—one short burst of breath like you’re blowing out a candle. That single blast of air surprises him out of the cycle. The unexpected jolt changes the direction completely, and the crying stops.

When I experienced my first in-person reading from a medium, it was in a group setting, what mediums refer to as a “gallery,” and it was at a medium convention that I had infiltrated to see if this world was real or if they were just a bunch of shysters trying to scam people. Oh boy, was I the ultimate skeptic—but also desperate for a new prospect, for something to focus on other than the life I was trudging through like a zombie, torn between grief and raising the beautiful and dynamic little brother Calder left behind.

What I found was a group of spiritually minded people from all different backgrounds who considered mediumship a sacred practice. I wish I had the presence of mind to have recorded that first experience, but my memory is as clear as if it happened yesterday: The medium, who had never laid eyes on me, started describing a young boy, the first and only child that had come through during the three-day event. Then he said my son’s Hebrew name. I fell apart. I had been crying for months, but this was something more—they were also tears of relief.

When I returned home, I was still in deep grief, but there was an internal light shining new prospects into my consciousness. The mediums I met were regular people who were meditators and healers, humble and reverent. They treated me lovingly, even though I had been sneaky and caused a scene. They treated their skill with honor and integrity. The most important words I heard were, “Do no harm.” I discovered in my research and extensive reading that many well-known mediums have also had their brains scanned by scientists at the Monroe Institute during readings, to see which part of their brains were at work while they connected to a different frequency—scientific validation of expanded consciousness.

A medium connection does not completely heal your grief, but I metaphorically had a big breath blown into my face, and it changed my trajectory from constant crying to a thirst for answers and more experiences with Calder. Did my change in belief systems happen overnight? No, but the seed was planted. I still cried, but the consistency started to lessen. Whether I could admit it to myself or not, I wanted the experience with mediums to be real, and now I knew it was, and I wanted to talk about it with anyone who would listen.

You may be skeptical like I was, but it’s best to go into a reading with an open mind and heart. You can have a friend make the appointment for you if your cynical side wants to make sure a medium doesn’t research you in advance, but guess what? True mediums don’t have time for shenanigans like that, and the less information they have about your loved one in spirit, the better the reading goes. If you go into a reading saying to yourself something like, “If they don’t say my loved one’s name, I’ll know this is fake,” that sets everyone up for a negative experience.

It’s similar to the old adage, “If you set yourself up for failure, you will fail.” If you expect to be disappointed, you just may be, though those who love us in the spirit world want you to have a good experience. I wasn’t sure what I believed when I was sitting in a gallery of strangers secretly hoping my son would come with a message, but he knew what I needed. If you’re open-minded, the medium can deliver evidence that resonates with such clarity, it will leave you with the certainty that your loved one delivered the information for you. You heard it and can feel the love run through you with goosebumps.

I wasn’t satisfied with just receiving readings for myself; I decided I wanted to learn to be a medium for others. I thought, “If I can do that, then I will truly believe.” So I did. It wasn’t quick, and it was not easy to release my own self-doubt about how I could possibly deliver messages. I studied for years, and now I do give readings for strangers on VerySoul and for people in my community.

I was also encouraged by my mentor Rosie Cepero, a true healer in her heart and a high vibration that you can feel when you meet her. She has all the gifts of a born medium with a particularly attuned clairaudience, and you better believe that if she says she “heard it,” whatever she heard is true. We were recently talking about a trip she took to Florida years after she first met Calder in spirit. We made a plan to meet for breakfast at a spot overlooking the ocean. When we were finished, our plates had not been cleared, so we pushed them towards the middle of the table. She was saying something about Calder, and the silverware on the plate in front of her moved. There was no truck rumbling down the street or any explanation for the metal utensils to move on her plate. It was as if he were saying, “I’m right here!” Our loved ones can manipulate the electromagnetic field, and metal objects seem to be something they can move easily, like a coin in your path. When that silverware shifted on her plate, we both stopped talking and burst into laughter. She encouraged me to open up to doing readings myself, and it was reassuring to have her faith and support.

One of my favorite moments from a reading was when I received the image of the childhood game “got your nose” in my mind’s eye—you know, when someone grabs your nose and pretends to hold it? I said, “I keep seeing the game ‘got your nose.’”

The woman laughed; it was more specific than the game. She had to have surgery on her nose, and now it looked exactly like her loved one’s nose had looked. They led me to say, “Got your nose,” and it resonated, because there was a long-running joke between them that she had literally gotten their nose. Our loved ones in spirit retain their sense of humor and use it whenever they can.

Another time, a loved one made me aware that they were leaving feathers for the person sitting across from me on Zoom. The loved one in spirit drew my eye to a specific turkey feather in my office and gave me the feeling she was sending them as messages to my sitter. When I showed it to the recipient, they bent down and held up a handful of identical turkey feathers. These are the magic moments we all hope for, and as mediums, we are doing our best to translate the information so that this happens.

That doesn’t mean it always works. On occasion, you can go to a medium who is unable to connect that day for a multitude of reasons. Maybe they are having a bad day or not feeling well, or for reasons beyond our knowledge, perhaps your loved one’s energy and the medium’s just don’t mesh at that time. It’s a bummer for everyone when this happens, and an honest medium will refund your money. However, you can take steps to have an amazing reading. Talk to your loved one in your head or out loud before the reading. Listen to music that lifts your energy and cultivate a positive attitude.

Sometimes, the first person to come through in a one-on-one reading is not the person you expected, so you don’t understand all the information that you receive until afterward. Most likely, you will be driving or in the shower or maybe even waking from sleep when the realization comes to you. You’ll be able to go back and listen to the recording to confirm it.

That person you didn’t recognize could be the warm-up act, the loved one who shows up because they also love you and want you to know they are present, but it’s more intelligent than that. That person is coming through so you have an opportunity to understand the experience. It could be someone you hadn’t thought of in ages, but before the reading, you found a photo of them or an old letter. The warm-up act could also be lending their energy to the headliner—the person you really, really want to hear from. That happened to me once, and I believe the person who showed up before Calder was showing me how it all worked, so when Calder came through, I was more equipped to understand the process and believe.

One thing I have learned in my years of studying mediumship and receiving readings is that no experience is ever the same. No medium is the same, and none of our loved ones are the same. Some folks sound similar, so there may be occasions when more than one person in a gallery believes the medium is speaking to them, but there will be a piece of information that differentiates your loved one from the person sitting next to you. The thing they have in common is that they all come to deliver messages of love because they want you to know they are not gone. They are right here loving you and will be waiting for you when it’s time for you to join the ultimate after-party.

To pursue your own meaningful, believable reading experience, check with organizations like Helping Parents Heal and the Forever Family Foundation, who have vetted mediums from all over the world. You might also consider VerySoul.com, an amazing platform where you can connect with a certified medium and the first reading is free, because creator Sally Hawk believes that everyone deserves a connection, even if they cannot afford it.

Grief is a lifetime of ups and downs. You will learn how to integrate it into your life in your own time and in your own way. I’m an enthusiast for allowing yourself to be open to the possibilities. Signs, dreams, and readings are all ways to feel more connected to your loved ones. Once you have an experience and believe, the more synchronicities and messages you will receive. Here’s to opening the door.